The lunch room

I had some great finds at the lunch cart at work today, I got a sizely cup of delicious broccoli cheese soup and a bag of grapes for $4.60. So I sat down to lunch in the vending room feeling quite pleased with myself and ready to dig in. Now, there's only four tables in this room and I am only one person; so this girl asked if she could sit at my table, which I of course was fine with. I'm reading and eating and not really sure what she's about to eat, I just see something a bit odd in her tupperware which she is warming up. It's so weird looking through the plastic I thought it was shrimp pasta. But it's weirder. She sits down after using the microwave, opens the tupperware, pulls out an actual knife and fork and begins to eat an artichoke. An artichoke! An artichoke.

Lies at the Alter

-inspired by last night's Oprah, guests were Lance Armstrong's ex wife and Dr. Robin Smith.

I believe in marriage, I believe in it for myself, but it's a dangerous place for us over pleasing women to go into - especially blindly. I think we've got to see that even in the 21st century, bigger than Watergate, bigger than who killed JFK, marriage is a conspiracy theory. The engagement and the showing of the ring overwhelm women and they are still believing in the Cinderella story, but the Cinderella story is not complete, it wasn't finished - the next 6 months were left out.
I think the most important thing Lance Armstrong's ex wife said was that she forgot her list, if you would have asked her in the heart of her marriage what she loved she would have rattled off her normal list of what she loves about Lance. She forgot the list of things she loved by herself, for herself. That's what I'm scared of, I don't want to forget my list.
I love champagne.
I love fireworks.
I love my family and my friends.
I love dancing till your dripping with sweat.
I love singing cheesy songs at ridiculously loud volumes.
I love cats.
I love hosting.
I love having time alone.

Dr. Robin Smith has a book, Lies at the Alter, and it has 75 questions couples assume but never ask and I suggest the book, but I really suggest the questions.

At the California Clipper . . .

You can have the best time! I had the best time last night at this swanky cute place called the California Clipper. I was in a red booth with great lighting and I got to discuss books and happenings around the town. OK, first, the entertainment. Jessica Jane Childs and her lovely beau are one hell of a singing duo not to mention the incredible band that backs them up with great talent. She's really really good, blew me away.
Second, the drinks. How can I not love a place where I can get a Champagne Cocktail along with a drink that involves grape soda? Let me just give you the tasty run down. Champagne Cocktail: bitters, a twist and a sugar cube with a tiny bottle of delicious and bubbly champagne. Purple Martin: GRAPE SODA ON DRAFT, coconut rum and lemon.
All together it was a delicious evening!!!

Best quote of the evening: "Idlewild, it's like the black Moulin Rouge." Blondie

A little free will astrology never hurts

As I contemplate your week ahead, I can't help but think of the Butthole Surfers' song "Pepper": "They were drinking from a fountain / that was pouring like an avalanche / coming down the mountain." Are you ready for much, much more of everything that interests and stimulates you, Sagittarius? Can you imagine what you'd have to do to expand your capacity for big emotions and provocative sensations? Of course not: No one can be fully prepared for an avalanche. But do the wildest best you can, and your lust for life will provide you with all the intuitions you need.


Me likey.

To Do

Here's my list of to do. This is the order I've decided on doing things, forgetting all expectations from myself and others - this is what I need to do. It goes like this:

job
therapy
curves/kickboxing
theatre

I needed to put that in order because I was stressing myself out with where to start, what to do and how I'm gonna do it all still while having the best experience I can in this city. I'm responsible for this experience and how it goes and if I let perfection and being hard on myself get in the way then this experience will be meaningless. If you really look at it, it's a basic list of human priorities; shelter, food and water then mind, body and spirit. That's how I figured that one out.

Thanks mom, I love you most.

what a new job can do for you

It can invigorate you.
It can pay you.
It can introduce or reconnect you to great people.
It can introduce you to horribly annoying people.
It can be an eye-opener.
It can give you the chance to read a book in 2 days, I don't think I've ever done that. But when your job is sitting at a table and passing out id's whenever someone comes up - then you've got a lot of time on your hands. I'd like to attribute this accomplishment of mine to Mrs. Johnson. My ninth grade english teacher who introduced me to The Great Gatsby, which I have thoroughly enjoyed. I think I had no idea what was going on in this book, but this time I am intrigued! And it's really fun to read a book and picture Robert Redford in my head as the title character.

Thank you Mrs. Johnson. I believe because of you there's something new in my life.

lovely day

This was my oh so lovely day yesterday. Slept like a princess. Then Blondie called me to go to brunch with him, his treat - too nice. We had brunch at this really good mexican influenced place, then we drove around - including a drive by THE HARPO STUDIOS!!!!! What a moment. Then Blondie and I came back to my place and finally got silly, we did beauty products, soda and design television. A few hours later I went and got DD, she introduced me to a new grocery store where we had a very good time and just got in a lot of people's way. We had a fabulous spread on the floor, a meal which I will call The Deli Feast, we had a small breakthrough and got honest. I am so thankful for someone I can go to here and feel safe enough to be honest and unforgiving. Then DD and I went to Blondie's to have champagne and watch Mothman Prophecies, it was the perfect cool and creepy night. To end my lovely day I got to DRIVE home at 1am listening to the Last 5 Years and feeling really content. I did what I wanted and it resulted in a lovely day.

the neighbor

So I have this neighbor. He's two down, he lives on the first floor, I live on the third floor. He's been compared to a certain nick of former days. He loves records and listens to them as he sits on his balcony smoking cigarettes and drinking beer. He waits tables, but calls himself a waitress - says he's waitressing. Today I walked up to the door and he was sitting inside with the door open, facing outside and reading a book in a wheelchair. He talks on his cell phone loud enough for the entire street to hear and this evening I heard quite possibly more than I wanted to hear. Apparently he had just gotten home from waitressing where he works with stuck-up pricks. He got drenched from riding his bike home from waitressing, so he was standing outside smoking and drinking in his boxers. This is his loud phone conversation. I felt intrusive being outside, so I ran inside.

deal-breaker

I get to go to work on Tuesday. Just in time to because cabin fever was creeping up on me. I'm very happy and turning a leaf. If I had to name that leaf I'd call it two weeks. I've been here for two weeks and I'm starting to lose sight of the women I was becoming this summer. That's a problem and it's counterproductive. I was doing so good at so many things and then I come up here and I lose sight of my . . .(What is that called, my touchstone, my target, my focus point? Somebody fill it in please!) I'm not sure how the life I need to live is going to fit in with the people I know up here, but it's gotta happen and it is more important to me than anything right now. The environment I am in for the majority of my time is not ideal for healthy living and healing and growing. So I've gotta mold that into what I need to live with, I need to make a comfortable place to grow.

This is the deal-breaker. It's either go down one path or go down the other and I'm definitely choosing the other. It's the most important thing to me.

Because I am not the one who should call

I can not believe you haven't called! What it says to me is that you know you did something wrong, but our friendship doesn't mean enough to you for you to get over your ego to call me and apologize. It says to me that a rub-a-dub-dub in skeezy sheets means more than our six year friendship. Yes, I was drunk and mad and therefore might not have dealt with it in the best way; however I never treated you with indecency or devalued our friendship. I can't help wondering if this is your stinky pride and your neverending quest to be right, or are you that clueless to the way people should be treated. I literally went out of my way so you could have that weekend, spent money and wasted time for a friendship that I thought was special and long-lasting.
I am shocked, I am angry, but more than anything - it just breaks my heart.

And PS: Jenny Matthews doesn't hold a candle to our friendship.

Sensitive Teeth

The root of all evil. No. The root is the evil. It's the root that hurts, not the cold and tasty beverage. Watch what you blame that sensitivity on.

Question for Chicago #1

Where can you pee?

I was downtown today getting myself and job and the restroom in the lobby was locked. Then I walked into a Walgreens thinking I should really pee before I make the treck home - no restroom. I walked into these huge thing called the Thompson Center before I caught my train really thinking there has got to be a restroom in here - I did complete circle (because it's round) and no restroom! Fine! So I got on my train, got to my destination thinking I'll take a chance and pee somewhere gross even I have to go so bad - nope. So I walked outside, waited fifteen minutes for my bus then walked 2 blocks or so to my house, walked up 3 flights of stairs and was finally able to go to the restroom. Chicago, where CAN you pee?

GH?? What the f**k?

Lulu's pregnant.

Carly catches Maxie sleeping with Lucky, she tells his wife Liz, who doesn't believe Carly so she marches up to the room and catches them midthrust.

Ric sees Alexis hugging on the mayor (really because she has cancer) and goes off and sleeps with her new found daughter who's boyfriend Jason just told her they can never be together. This might be the grossest and most shocking if you hadn't paid attention to my favorite quote of the summer. "Brace yourself for what I do next, BRACE YOURSELF!" - the new found daughter.

Now these I really did see coming, but what did I not see happening?
Liz and Jason sleeping together to forget about their broken hearts.
Shocking!!

Friends with Money

I saw that movie and I remember seeing promos and interviews for it where the actresses involved brought up a question that is raised in the movie: If I met you today, would I still decide to be your friend?
Forget everything we've gone through, just person to person, would I like you as I know you now as I am today. It's a hard thought, and not one that requires drastic action, but it's something to think about.
BK made me realize that everything we do is a decision, maybe some might not agree with that but I fucking do. Somebody doesn't make you mad, you decide to get mad - and sometimes you have every freaking right to be mad. Just like that, we decide to be friends with people or we decide to cut ties with people. I know that last one really well because I've done it, and not because I'm a cruel bitch but because sometimes you've gotta love yourself more to the point where you won't put up with someone's shit anymore. I've seen others do this and yes it's been hard and sad but in the end I'm proud of them because they stood up for themselves.
I get myself in trouble a lot because I love hard, I go out of my way for a birthday or a ground breaking event, I listen to the same vent over and over, I stand back while the same person hurts my friend repeatedly - but I'm there and I do my damnedest to be loyal and 100% on their side. But the thing is no one asks that of me, I just give it. A lot comes from learning from the masters of true hard core friends, but I did bring a lot to the table. When I exude that I expect some back, this is not Christmas and I am not Santa Clause.
Where's loyalty, where is trust, where's selflessness, where's understanding, where is time, where is a moment that I am brought to tears because someone loves me as much as I love them? Yes I need more because I don't completely have my family but I try and not make that a burden by giving as much as I possibly can. In a lot of ways I have to become more selfish because I've been playing on the playground like we're all 12 - but "we're adults now, when did that happen?" I've just gotta step up the 'me' game to get on everyone else's level. But even after that I still want to believe that I have chosen good friends that I can have amazingly fierce relationships with. That's the real question, what is it about the way I choose friends?
Now, it's actually impossible for all this to come out of one day, it's been building. What it's really about is, after all my journeys this summer, after the dust settles - it's shocking to see who is still standing behind you.

Organization High

I hereby admit that I just got an organization high. I got a desk today and was able to finish my room and put everything away which is something I need to have done to fully function in a place. It's my little obsessive trait. But gosh I love putting things away!
And it's all made possible by the "make your own closet" aisle at Target. They have allowed me to organize my room cheaply and with light carriable furniture. I freaking love my room! It is me, me, me! More than any other I do have to say.

Well, now that I'm organized - I guess I better find a job to pay for this amazing, single, sexy, sprinkled with susan room.

Movement

Well the long journey is finally winding down and the dust will soon settle. I'm taking things one day at a time, I'm not saying what I will or won't do until the day of because I don't want to get locked into something I don't wanna do. I'm taking things slow and I'm doing things my way. My place is amazing I really think this is going to be my favorite bedroom ever - which is interesting because I've never really like my bedrooms. I have things to take care of and I am focused on doing them, I can play when I get my shit together. I already have a crush, but we won't talk about that just yet. I miss my mom and home a lot and I'll fucking cry about everyday if I have to because I get really upset about it. So the jury's still out but I hear it's getting pretty great reviews.