Look twice before you leap - Charlotte Bronte

Our strength is often composed of the weakness we're damned if we're going to show - Mignon McLaughlin

You can't be brave if you've only had wonderful things happen to you - Mary Tyler Moore

...the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances. - Martha Washington

If you have made mistakes ... there is always another chance for you ... you may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call "failure" is not the falling down, but the staying down. - Mary Pickford

Mistakes are part of the dues one pays for a full life. - Sophia Loren

You may be disappointed in you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try. - Beverly Sills

Think wrongly, if you please, but in all cases think for yourself. - Doris Lessing

Women are repeatedly accused of taking things personally. I cannot see any other honest way of taking them. - Marya Mannes

Adventure is something you seek for pleasure, or even for profit, like a gold rush or invading a country; but experience is what really happens to you in the long run; the truth that finally overtakes you. - Katherine Anne Porter

Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got. - Janis Joplin

Waterfront, I've never loved you more and I hate to go. Elvis, I'll be stopping by. Lakeside, I shall take you on soon enough.

Favorite Pairing: BK and a Coca-Cola Icee

Today, sadly, was my last day with BK. But it was good of course and when I got out I felt like, ok, I can go now. She was the perfect person for the job and I am so thankful for her, she literally has changed my life and given me more hope for the future than I have had in my entire life. There are things that will remain between her and I and there are things from her I will share because they are just absolutely brilliant. I'll share some now:
Good for you.
You can't make someone mad, they decide to get mad. Everything is a decision.
Take it cafeteria style.
Equal relationships are equal in respect, decency, integrity and give & take.
And that's just a few. She was absolutely destined to fill this role in my life, and yes I will seek someone like her - but there will never be another BK.

"You need sun and rain to make plants grow. If it was all sun you'd get fried. This is your raining day - take it." - some lady talking to girls with too much foundation, but I was moved.

Proud Mama

I am so absolutely proud of my friend Bebe. Not only was she just cast as the lead in Psycho Beach Party by a company she has not been affiliated with, but she overcame that horrible little demon I hate called Precast. That's right she took that part right right out from under somebody's nose. (I wouldn't wanna be that girl tonight - but who cares? I'm excited for Bebe!) I think she's going to be amazing in the show just as she was in the last show I saw her in. It's called living the kick ass lifestyle and I like it.

Characters: My Family Setting: The Car

Bro: Today I saw these really funny greeting cards at the stationary store. One was real pretty on the front and said "congratulations on your commitment ceremony." Then you open the card and it says, "does your mom know your gay?"
(Laughter)
Bro: I thought about getting a few for you.
Me: I wish you would have.
Mom: But Blondie and Bird aren't in serious relationships.
Me: Blondie is, but I mean he's not getting committed.
Pause.
Laughter ensues.

Decency

1. Apologize for breaking my martini glass. Apologize for making my set of 4 glasses with matching pitcher a non-set. Apologize!
2. As a person who's never had new furniture in any of her 5 apartments, don't say second hand furniture is ugly or crap. But if you want to send yourself into credit card hell for furniture which we could get (with character) at more than half the price - then do so. I will sit back and watch.
3. Not everything needs to be painted in high-gloss black!

PS - These are little things that don't matter at the end of the day, but I needed to get them out. And when I say out I mean everytime there's an exclamation point my voice goes up in my head. We have 20 hours of road trip to get on the same page and play a little game I like to call compromise, so we'll be fine. Graceland will be wonderful. I'm just used to living with someone who likes the look of wood.

**breaking news**

General Hospital has recently brought back many of their most famous characters from their hay-day in the 1980's including Rick Springfield, Finola Hughes, Tristan Rogers, Emma Sans; leaving everyone wondering - could this mean the return of Laura? Luke and Laura Spencer had the biggest wedding in television history, it was the afternoon in November of 1981 that had half of the workforce calling in to work. (A week before I was born by the way, and how old will I be this November - 25.) You might have guessed it by now, but I'm going to announce it. Just in time for the most famous supercouple's 25th wedding anniversary Laura will return to Port Charles. President of ABC television said, "We are excited for her return as we gear up to commemorate a quarter-century since the biggest milestone in the history of daytime." To accommodate the actress' desire to leave the show in 2002, they made her lose her mind and sent her to a sanitarium, occasionally Luke would visit "her" which was really a blonde woman in a rocking chair and you never saw her face. She seemed so lifeless at points I questioned a Psycho stroyline building up. But in weeks past a clue to this actress' return was given, after one of Luke's visits he caressed her shoulder as he left and then all of a sudden you see Laura reach up and grab her shoulder as Luke had. I'm just glad it wasn't crazy skeleton Psycho hand with long white hairs hanging off it.

Favorites of Summer

Favorite way to start my day: Onion bagel w/cream cheese and Crystal Light Sunrise Classic Orange.

Favorite couple: Dillon and Lulu which is a sensitive subject because they broke up today. But I'm crossing my fingers.

Favorite feeling: Feeling kick ass and on top of my shit.

Favorite activity: Playing with my dog Trixie.

Favorite new person: Frances, at my work.

Favorite clothes: Rocketdog sneakers, comfy polos from Old Navy and my big Liz Claiborne bag.
Favorite new person I've never met: Andy, the real estate agent. Which has possibility for huge disappointment but the anticipation is enjoyable.

Favorite pairing: BK and a Coca-Cola Icee.

Favorite decor item: It's a tie between my newly framed Jack Vettriano poster (which I have had since the Carlise) and my aunt M bought me a big star made of barnwood that I'm sure is from a barn in Texas made by a man from Texas.

Favorite addiction: BB7 It's not a summer without it.

Favorite CD: Last 5 Years

Favorite DVD: A&E's Pride and Prejudice. (When will it stop?)

Favorite thing I did today: Made up my own survey.

Favorite quote: "Brace yourself for what I do next, BRACE YOURSELF!!" - Samantha McCall

Adventure of Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn

This pair is saving me from myself this summer. Their adventurous spirit and loyalty streak that goes on and on are strengthening and supportive. Last year I just went on my adventure cold turkey, but this year I have questions and doubts and trepidations - but just like last year they think it's kick ass and have been the ones holding me up when I almost fall out of it. Knowing that they are supporting me every step of the way is how I will take these huge steps. And Tom's right, I'll get shit on and then I'll stand back up, clean my self of and put one foot in front of the other. And Huck's right, if I never go then I'll always wonder and I'll be better for the adventure no matter what happens along the way. I don't know how I will ever repay these two for what they have done for me and my spirit, but if either ever came calling to quietly float the longest river in America - I'd be there in a heart beat. And I'd probably bring us a well packed picnic.

A fortnight

My instincts or my intuitions or my gut, whatever the phrase is, that have done me really well in the past. Kept me from being harassed by the cops on the roof of a haunted house. Made me turn down a different street with Blondie instead of going to the party that no one ever stopped talking about, at least for a year. My instincts that guided me to leave a few parties before their time was up. And I believe these instinct to have been my angel on my shoulder through the years and kept me very safe I might add.
Well this is me putting it on record that for the first time in a very long time, I am going against my instincts. So if something horrible or traumatic happens to me, it's my own fault for going against those fibers that stand up and scream "hold on!" at me. It will be my fault for going against the tride and true "doubt means don't."
There are lots of positives in this situation and I hope that they all rise to the surface, but that's expectations and we know how those and I work out. It's really hard to make a big decision when you are going back and studying why you've made every other decision in your life.
I just don't want to come out of this wishing I would have stayed home to watch Ferngully.

The growth that never stops growing

I feel kick ass I feel kick ass I feel kick ass. I may not look how I wish I did and I'm definitely not done with the process, but I feel kick ass! I feel so awesome and I'm fucking running with it, because I most certainly can not recall a time. My journey is far from over but I have already hit the ground running on the first lap, BK even said so. She is a fantastic woman in my life and makes me more empowered than I have ever felt. Empowered like, no joke I'm taking kickboxing when I get to Chicago because I'm about to burst I wanna kick and punch something so bad.

And speaking of women in my life . . . BK recently asked me about my lack of female relationships which left me perplexed because all the ones I know and love are far away. But then two weeks later I was bombarded with female love. Five wonderful and unique older woman at the lazy ass, a 4 hour dinner with an old friend Dice where we slipped back into this amazing support system for each other and never wanted to lose touch again. Then a 3 hour girl chat with Xtina on my bed that was double the empowerment because she has the most beautiful fight in her that I've ever seen and we feed off of each other's similarities like loyalty, love and a true independent spirit. I've recently been feeling so much unexpected support and love from Huck which I appreciate so much because she is an inspirational wonder to me. Now tomorrow I get to go be with this gorgeous woman who for all my life has been my sister basically and her new sister in law, and they both invigorate me to do things that no one else in my life does - and I love it.

It just feels like BK put it out there and all these fantastic people answered the call. I'm so grateful, it's the unexpected help along the way that reverses those feelings of being completely alone. I wish I could hand some of the ladies in my life what I feel right now, because it feels like I'm at a fantastic slumber party and all the previously mentioned women have put in two fingers and are holding me afloat in a good ole game of "light as a feather, stiff as a board."

a weekend in the country

It's almost spiritual to see a mother raccoon teaching her baby to be a bird seed stealin' bandit.
Not really but a baby raccoon is the cutest animal I've ever seen, it looks like little gray kitten with a zorro mask on.
I realized this past weekend that I have great women in my life. They are all completely different and contribute something different to the growth of me, but they'll all bust into giggle fits over the silliest basset hound you ever did see. I wasn't always aware of the gifts these magnificent women could give me if I just paid attention, but I am fully aware now and I intend to take full advantage whenever life gives me the opportunity. Especially at the Lazy Ass Ranch.

Black and Blue

I stubbed my toe yesterday at work when I was going after this girl Tanejia (by the way her sister's name is Tykie) and at first I thought it was just a stubbed toe that you have to ride out until the pain goes away. Now, I have little toes. In fact my pinky toe isn't even a toe, it's more of a nub. So a few hours pass and my toe is still in pain. I look down and my toe is black - not blue or purple - it's bruised black. I have a black nub.

Well, I'm off to the lazy ass ranch to be lazy, eat cake and bird watch.
'Ta.

One month . . .

One month to wrap it up.
One month to spend time with my family.
One month till I'm done with daycare.
One month to love all that is Texas.
One month to pack it all up.
One month left with BK.
One month till I get to play gal pals with DD.
One month till I get to set up house.
One month till I get the shit scared out of me.
One month till Blondie and I can gasp and giggle together.
One month and I won't know where I am.
One month till my whole world changes.
One month till my whole world changes!!

Port Charles and the summer of gasps:

It all started with Jax and Carly having goodbye sex. He left her sleeping in the bed, paused at the door, said I love you and walked off the set for who knows how long. She opened her eyes revealing she wasn't sleeping and said I love you too. Commercial break and I'm officially crying and quite frankly taken aback by my reaction to this couple. But that's when the gasps started and I knew it was gonna be one hell of a summer.
There's joyous gasps like Lulu and Diego plotting together to break up Dillon and Georgie, and Dillon kissing Lulu.
There's fuck yeah gasps like Carly kicking Emily out so she can take over Sonny's bipolar situation. Cause it's not a bipolar situation unless Carly says, "Max, no phone calls, no visitors, do not walk through that door no matter what you hear. That door doesn't open until I say it does."
There's the sick-twisted-summer gasp like Manny threatening to tattoo his prisoner Sam in a hospital basement. After all it's not a gh summer if a female lead isn't strapped to a bed.
There's the gh history coming back gasp like Finola Hughes reviving her famous role as Anna Devaine and that crazy bird Helena Cassidine threatening to throw someone off a cliff.
And it's not a gasp it's more of a quiet acknowledgement, when Luke Spencer says something meaningful and runs off the docks. It means he's going to Amsterdam for the summer.
Thank you General Hospital. I am officially excited and ready to see where you're taking me.